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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27899551">in bloom</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonsprite/pseuds/moonsprite'>moonsprite</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Fluff, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Other, Pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:33:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,457</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27899551</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonsprite/pseuds/moonsprite</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"I’m scared, Koushi. I don’t want to get the surgery."</p><p>He looks down at your hands, his fingers just a reach away from yours, but the distance feels as wide as an ocean.</p><p>"Me too... me too."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sugawara Koushi/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>in bloom</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I forgot that I had written a Hanahaki AU for Sugawara;; finally posting it here. Enjoy!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Normally Sugawara didn’t mind drinking tea. It was warm, soothing, and great for his health. But ever since he woke up to crumpled chamomile petals on his pillow, he couldn’t even take a sip.</p><p>He does his best to hide the evidence, going to the bathroom when he feels a bad cough coming on, flushing all the petals and spit down the toilet. But he can’t help rubbing his chest from time to time when the ache starts to spread. Still, he doesn’t want anyone to know - not his teammates, not his family, and certainly not you.</p><p>Knowing you, he wouldn’t be able to get a word in before you started trying to find out who he was pining so desperately after. That would probably be the final nail in the coffin. You were always too kind to him, and while that had meant a lot as a friend, now those actions would suffocate him. Heaving a big sigh, he catches the three white petals that fall from his mouth before stuffing them into a plastic bag for later disposal.</p><p>He knows because he’s seen the way you look at Daichi, eyes wide and curious. He’s seen you talking with Daichi on your own before practice, cheeks rosy and lips curved in a bashful smile that you hide behind your hands. He knows, and it hurts all the more because he knows who Daichi likes, and it isn’t you.</p><p>Sugawara’s luck runs out soon after, when you find him curled up in the fetal position and choking in the upstairs stairwell during lunch.</p><p>“Look at me!” You shake his shoulder, nearly in tears just looking at his state. He sits up and weakly tries to shove the flowers down his shirt, but it’s useless, a few missed petals smeared on his cheeks, blood staining his collar. You pluck a white blossom off his cheeks.</p><p>“Who is it?”</p><p>Sugawara shakes his head, refuses to tell. How could he possibly say it, and to you of all people? You kneel down in front of him, tears welling up in your eyes.</p><p>“Please, I don’t want to see you like this. You’re going to die if this keeps going!”</p><p>A burst of anger flashes through him, his mouth spitting the words out before he can stop himself.</p><p>“And what about you? I don’t want to see you like this either. I saw those flowers. White clovers, right?”</p><p>You look away, wiping your face hastily. “But I know he doesn’t like me! I… I can’t push this on him.”</p><p>He murmurs, “Then what are you going to do?”</p><p>You move to sit next to him, back against the cold concrete wall. The silence between you two has never felt so heavy before, and as it drags on, he regrets lashing out at you. He is about to apologize, take it all back, when you whisper shakily.</p><p>“I don’t know… I’m scared, Koushi. I don’t want to get the surgery.”</p><p>He looks down at your hands, his fingers just a reach away from yours, but the distance feels as wide as an ocean.</p><p>“Me too… me too.”</p><p>***</p><p>The two of you often find yourselves like this in the upper stairwell. But from that point on, your symptoms seem to snowball, your chest constantly feeling like it is about to burst, the petals filling your throat until you can’t breathe and have to run out of class to use the bathroom. You know you have to do something, but you can’t bring yourself to agree to forget everything, the way his smile brightens your world, the way his voice grounds your anxious heart, the way he somehow always knows you better than yourself. The thought of losing all of that terrifies you down to your bones. It feels like you’re sentencing a part of you to die.</p><p>After school, you’re caught off guard by another attack and decide your best option is to run to the back of the school and throw the petals in the dumpster, or even better, the incinerator. Just as you turn the corner, you collide with what feels like a wall. You fall backwards, mouth opening in surprise, and jolt when something firm catches you. You blink slowly, then nearly have a heart attack for two reasons. The first is because Daichi is the one who caught you. The second is because he’s staring at your chest. Wait - oh god no -</p><p>Before you can even utter a word, he plucks a blossom off your shirt.</p><p>“What is this?”</p><p>You’re shaken into silence. You can tell just by looking at his expression that he is completely aware of what those flowers mean. But he doesn’t let go of you.</p><p>“… Why didn’t you tell me?”</p><p>You can’t offer him anything, the words stuck halfway down your throat. He sees the helplessness in your eyes, your silent plea.</p><p>“Does he know?”</p><p>You swallow and shake your head, a few petals sticking uncomfortably in your esophagus. Wordlessly, he lets you go and you stumble back onto your feet, trying to tidy your appearance. You never wanted Daichi to see you like this, because you know what he would do next. And just as you expected, you feel a firm grip on your wrist.</p><p>“Let’s go.”</p><p>***</p><p>Minutes later, you find yourself underneath a big tree behind the school. Daichi puts his phone away in his pocket, having finished a call he "had to make." Moments later, the last person you wanted to see right now turns the corner and runs towards the two of you.</p><p>“Are you alright? What happened?”</p><p>Daichi crosses his arms and heaves a deep sigh, heavier than either of you have heard from him in a long time.</p><p>“You two need to talk. Properly. And don’t even think about lying to each other or running away, because I am going to be right there.”</p><p>Daichi points to the chain link fence on the side of the school, a short distance away but just out of earshot. Both you and Sugawara shake your heads, knowing that he would be able to outrun either of you easily. With another pointed look at each of you, Daichi walks off towards the fence, muttering something under his breath.</p><p>Before you can dwell too much on it, you find yourself under Sugawara’s scrutiny, his lithe fingers brushing a stray leaf off your shoulder.</p><p>“W-What’s wrong?” You stumble over your words as he bends down to check your shins.</p><p>“Daichi said you were hurt. Are you alright?” He looks up at you, apparently satisfied that you don’t have any visible injuries.</p><p>You groan internally. Was Daichi really sentencing you to the equivalent of a death match? You glance over to shoot a glare at him, but your heart lurches when he mouths at you: Tell him. Trust me.</p><p>Sugawara catches you looking at Daichi, and when you turn to face him again, the fatigue in his eyes is apparent.</p><p>“You like Daichi, don’t you. It’s alright, I’ve known for a while.”</p><p>You get the feeling that he takes your shocked silence the wrong way, because he continues with a sigh.</p><p>“I’m sorry… I know who he likes.”</p><p>You finally manage to pull yourself together at that remark.</p><p>“I do too, I think they look cute together.”</p><p>His gaze seems to shift, and you rush to speak, hating the look of pity in his eyes.</p><p>“That doesn’t matter to me right now. I’m here to talk to you.”</p><p>Sugawara slowly blinks, clearly caught unawares. Before you lose momentum, you take a deep breath and do what feels like the equivalent of puking your guts out.</p><p>“Koushi, I’m in love with you. And I know you’re in love with someone else, but I just couldn’t handle it anymore. Daichi will probably kill me if he hears this, but I still don’t think I could get the surgery if it means forgetting about you.”</p><p>Sugawara stands frozen before you, one breath in, out, and then you are enveloped in the smell of grass, sunshine, and chamomile. You can feel his heart thudding beneath your ear, your face pressed to his heaving chest. You can barely breathe, the hope, anxiety, and dread all blooming at once in your throat.</p><p>At first you hear nothing, then a wet cough and what sounds like choking. Alarmed, you try to move away to see his face but instead his arms tighten around you, warm and firm.</p><p>“Please don’t look,” he murmurs, voice thick with emotion. You feel something cool fall on the side of your neck as he buries his face in your hair, and you close your eyes in final surrender, cheeks just as wet.</p><p>“I’m in love with you too.”</p>
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